Honestly.

Honesty. 

The whole truth, and nothing but the truth.

I've sat at my laptop everyday this month trying to put together a post. I have a handful of drafts. A number of pieced together mumble jumbo posts that I very nearly almost posted. 

July hasn't been a good month, but I didn't want to admit it. I didn't want to own the truth and say, 'hey; I just got bit by a shark and I need to get out of the water for a few minutes'. 

I kept trying to compose these posts that excluded the basic element of my life right now; difficulty. No, no; nothing horrendous or horrific, but sometimes it's the little things that stack together to create a towering mountain that is  seemingly impossible to overcome. 

I'm the queen of okay, the master of "I'm fine" and I never once remember in my entire life saying "I'm having a bad day."

So, let's be honest.

Honestly, July has been a crappy month. It wasn't just a couple of upside down days sprinkled through the weeks; it was a scraping the bottom of the barrel, forcing yourself out of bed every morning, fighting tooth and nail and wondering how the heck you are going to find a smile. 

Honestly, I really love it when I get to share my faith with someone. Nothing is more central to my life than my relationship with Christ. I never want to push my convictions or beliefs upon anyone, but there is nothing more fulfilling than when I get the chance to tell someone about the wonder of what my Jesus did for me, and you, on the cross.

Honestly, sometimes I just want to be sad. I'm not a huge fan of emotions and feelings, but I have an odd attachment to sadness. When I'm sad, I'm reminded of all the happy things in my life. The soulful tug of sorrow gives me a perspective on the happy things in my life that I don't experience any other way. 

Honestly, I ran fewer miles in July than any other month this year so far. This bothers me, and I'm pretty sure if I would have run a little bit more, July wouldn't have been such an overwhelming month. 

Honestly, I spend at least 10 minutes an hour worrying. Worrying gets you nowhere, and I know this, yet it's a habit I can't seem to curb. 

Honestly, 1/2 of my problems this month happened because I was trying my hardest to NOT deal with the problems I had. Two wrongs do NOT make a right. 

Honestly, I'm still learning new things about myself. Some of these things I do not like. Some of these things I never knew I was capable of. 

Honestly, I worry that I am not a good friend. I worry that I don't give enough, that I talk about myself too much, that I won't be able to be there for my friends when they need me the most. 

Honestly, I just really love this song by Pink &. Nate Ruess. It's so applicable to any relationship or friendship. 

Honestly,  no one needs to read this post. This post isn't about my readers; this post is about the Curly Pink Runner looking in the mirror and calling it like it is. Because the last thing I want to do is a live a life that's not true, and being true starts with YOU. 

Honestly, my life is beautiful. Each and every sticky, messy, unbearable part.

Honestly, I wouldn't have it any other way.